


Respite

by walkalittleline



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Episode 79 spoilers, M/M, vague but could be spoilers at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 02:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20806811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkalittleline/pseuds/walkalittleline
Summary: Caduceus is seated at the base of the tree when Fjord reaches the tower, his legs crossed and his eyes closed in a familiar meditative pose. His face isn’t peaceful as it usually is when he meditates, instead stiff and drawn, his deep breaths shuddering out of him.“Caduceus?” Fjord says carefully, stepping towards him.Caduceus’ eyes snap open and Fjord sees the same lingering terror in his eyes that he’d seen moments before he’d turned invisible where they’d hidden together from Obann and Yasha mere hours before. It’s unsettling seeing Caduceus, usually the voice of calm reassurance, so rattled.





	Respite

The air is thick with disappointment and defeat as they all file back to the house, Caleb and Beau still furious about walking away with nothing, silently fuming the entire trek back from the Bastion. Jester and Nott make feeble attempts to reassure them that they’ll figure it out, though it sounds hollow and they quickly fall silent.

Fjord’s eyes are trained on Caduceus as they walk, though. He’s worryingly quiet, trailing behind the others, his arms wrapped around himself and his eyes fixed on the ground. He looks small despite his height, something in the way he carries himself, curled forward and timid.

When they arrive at the house, Caleb and Nott retreat to the kitchen for a drink while Beau and Jester go off in search of Dairon. Fjord watches Caduceus walk silently in the direction of the tower and follows after him after allowing him a minute’s head start. 

Caduceus is seated at the base of the tree when Fjord reaches the tower, his legs crossed and his eyes closed in a familiar meditative pose. Though his face isn’t peaceful as it usually is when he meditates, instead stiff and drawn, his deep breaths shuddering out of him.

“Caduceus?” Fjord says carefully, stepping towards him.

Caduceus’ eyes snap open and Fjord sees the same lingering terror in his eyes that he’d seen moments before he’d turned invisible where they’d hidden together from Obann and Yasha mere hours before. It’s unsettling seeing Caduceus, usually the voice of calm reassurance, so rattled.

“Hey,” Fjord says gently as he lowers himself to sit in front of him. Caduceus looks at him but Fjord can tell he’s not really seeing him, expression dazed and disoriented. Fjord touches one hand lightly to his cheek. “Hey. You with me?”

Caduceus nods shakily, his eyes too bright and his lip quivering. He’s unnaturally pale, the dim golden light from the tree above giving him a washed out look, like all the color has drained from him.

“Come here,” Fjord murmurs, moving his hand to the back of Caduceus’ head and easing him forward.

Caduceus folds into touch, exhaling sharply as he curls against Fjord’s chest, forehead resting against his collarbone. Fjord wraps his arms around him firmly, rubbing one hand slowly up and down his back, leaning his cheek against his temple. He doesn’t cry, not audibly at least, doesn’t react at all beyond his breathing gradually slowing into something more even, his tense shoulders relaxing as he slumps more fully against Fjord. Fjord presses a kiss to his forehead almost unthinking, Caduceus sighing quietly and nudging his nose weakly against Fjord’s collarbone in a gesture of affection that makes Fjord squeeze him tighter for a brief moment.

“You okay?” Fjord says when they’ve been simply sitting in silence for ten minutes.

Caduceus nods against his shoulder. He sniffs quietly and lifts his head to look at him. His eyes are slightly red but his face is dry, though Fjord wouldn’t be surprised to find his own shirt damp. His expression is weary and dejected.

“We should never had gone after them like that,” he says, his voice small and flat. “I said from the start—I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“We’re alive,” Fjord says gently, “and we’re safe. Right now that’s all that matters.”

Caduceus nods, eyes fixed on his hands in his lap, his ears drooping and shoulders slumped.

“Are you okay?” Fjord touches his fingertips lightly under his chin, gripping Caduceus’ fingers firmly in his other hand.

Caduceus lifts his eyes to him and Fjord’s stomach lurches painfully at the helplessness there. He’s only seen him wear that look once before, the day after they’d left Nicodranas on a stolen ship, but they’d barely known each other then. It hurts much more seeing it now.

“I’ll be fine,” Caduceus says at last in that same small voice. He smiles, stiff and joyless. “I don’t know why I was so scared after everything we’ve done. I guess I just—“ he shakes his head and Fjord sees a shadow of fear pass over his face again. “I just remembered what it felt like. Last time when it—“ he falters, swallowing nervously, “—I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. I was sure I was dead.” He laughs, a weak a humorless sound. “I’m not even afraid of dying.” His voice trails off into nothing and he sighs. 

“I know you’re going to say there’s nothing wrong with being afraid,” he continues, “I know that. It’s not that I think there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just not used to being _ that _afraid. Feeling completely… helpless. I couldn’t have done anything even if I wanted to. I don’t like feeling useless.”

“You’re not useless,” Fjord says sternly, “you’re never useless. For god’s sake, Caduceus, we wouldn’t have known half of what we did going in without you. And how many times have you gotten us out of far worse fights before? We rely on you, Caduceus, but you can rely on us as well.”

Caduceus smiles, small but genuine.

Fjord tucks his hair, once so vibrantly pink but now streaked with stark white, behind his ear, not missing the way Caduceus’ eyes close for the briefest moment as he leans minutely into the touch. Later, he’s not sure why exactly he does it, though he supposes it’s what felt natural at the time, leaning forward and kissing him softly. 

Caduceus doesn’t look all that shocked when he pulls away, merely blinks owlishly before tightening his fingers around Fjord’s where they’re still tangled loosely in his lap and kisses him back. There’s a raw desperation behind it that takes Fjord by surprise, though he easily matches that sudden urgency, gripping the back of Caduceus head and readily opening his mouth with a rough groan as the adrenaline that’s been weaving in and out of his blood for hours comes rushing back.

It’s clumsy, both of them overeager and half-delirious with exhaustion as they shakily help each other fumble out of the outer layers of cloaks and armor until there’s nothing but their thin shirts and trousers between them. It slows then, some of that fervent energy fading and softening from want to affection. Fjord kisses him, lazy and deliberate, and Caduceus melts at his touch like soft clay, warm and malleable. He smiles and sighs contentedly against Fjord’s lips, and when Fjord pulls back to look at him, there’s such an earnest fondness in his eyes that he can’t help but kiss him again, quick but firm.

Caduceus’ smile widens and he lets out a quiet hum of laughter. His lips are kiss-bruised and wet, the skin under the soft fuzz across his cheeks flushed a dull pink. It’s a look Fjord realizes he wants to see over and over again.

“That was… unexpected,” Caduceus says with another soft laugh. 

“Heat of the moment, I suppose,” Fjord says sheepishly.

Caduceus smiles again and leans towards him. He doesn’t kiss him, though, simply rests his forehead against Fjord’s and closes his eyes, his hand coming to rest over Fjord’s heart and curling loosely in his shirt. It’s an unfamiliar and intimately affectionate gesture that makes something flip pleasantly in his stomach. He’s just entertaining the idea of asking Caduceus if he wants to move to the bed—not that he expects things to go further, but there’s only so long he can sit on the hard packed earth before his knees ache—when there’s a quiet rustle of leaves from overhead and a soft impact on the ground a few feet away.

They both turn to the sound, Fjord raising his hand to summon his sword, though the thought dies before it’s fully formed and his hand drops back to his side at the sight of Dairon straightening up and brushing a stray leaf from their cloak.

“Sorry to interrupt such a touching moment,” she says, not sounding at all sorry, “but I wanted to take my chance at departure before things got… heated again.” She eyes them both closely, disinterest clear on her face. “I assume Beauregard is also back?”

“Downstairs,” Fjord says weakly. “Looking for you.”

“Then I will take my leave,” Dairon says, sounding thoroughly bored with the entire conversation. “Good night.”

They turn and stride past them both and out of the tower through the trapdoor, Fjord watching them with a look of silent mortification. It’s Caduceus’ quiet laugh that breaks him out of his stunned disbelief, Fjord turning to look at him incredulously.

“What?” he says, grinning faintly. “It is a little funny.”

“Until the others find out,” Fjord mutters. He has no problem letting them find out about whatever it is he and Caduceus have started, but somehow he thinks Beau especially will give him grief for starting it now of all times when so much else is on the line.

“I don’t really think they care enough to tell anyone,” Caduceus says thoughtfully. 

“Maybe,” Fjord sighs, still staring distractedly at where Dairon had disappeared. 

He looks back at Caduceus when he squeezes his hand gently, giving him a reassuring smile that eases the edge of panic in Fjord’s brain.

“Would you like to move to the bed?” Fjord blurts out. He hastily continues when Caduceus’ looks bewildered, “not that we—I mean we don’t have to _ do _anything, I just thought… more comfortable,” he finishes feebly, gesturing to the uneven surface they’re both seated on.

“Oh, yeah,” Caduceus says, looking taken aback at the realization that they’re still sitting in the grass and scattered earth and stone around the tree. Fjord imagines he, unlike him, is used to spending long periods of time doing just that when he meditates. “Alright.”

He stands, helping Fjord to his feet next to him and lacing their fingers together as he leads him to the little alcove where his bed is situated. They sit on the edge, only a moment’s bashful hesitance between them before they’re kissing again, careful and unhurried. Caduceus cradles Fjord’s jaw in one hand, the other still holding Fjord’s on the bed between them.

When Fjord eases Caduceus back onto the bed, he follows readily, untangling their fingers so he can slide his hands up Fjord’s arms where they’re braced on either side of his head with a hum of approval. His arms settle around Fjord’s shoulders, one hand tracing random patterns over the nape of his neck and the other curling in his shirt.

“Do you want to just do this?” Fjord murmurs when he starts to feel that slow creep of arousal in his gut. 

Caduceus hums and nods, now kissing slowly along Fjord’s jaw. “This time, at least.”

Fjord nods absently, focused more on the feeling of Caduceus’ lips on the tender skin under his jaw. His arms shake from the sensation and the effort of holding himself up and Caduceus presses his palm down in the center of his spine, urging him to lay more fully on top of him. Fjord gives, trying not to think about the fact that Caduceus’ hip is digging into his groin. Caduceus merely lets out another content sigh, their legs tangled together as he continues kissing along Fjord’s jaw.

Fjord’s settling into the thought of spending the next hour like this until they both fall asleep when the trapdoor to the tower bangs open loudly and Jester’s head pops into view, eyes wide and alight with excitement.

“Aha!” she shouts triumphantly, pointing a finger at the both of them as Fjord scrambles off Caduceus to sit at the edge of the bed. She looks down the ladder, grinning smugly. “I _ told _ you they weren’t doing it yet, Beau, they’re just kissing.”

“No shit, really?” Beau’s voice filters up from below. There’s the sound of her scrambling up the ladder before she appears next to Jester, eyes widening as they land on them both now seated a foot apart on the bed, clothes and hair obviously rumpled. “Oh fuck, she was telling the truth.”

“Do you _ mind_?” Fjord snaps in disbelief at the two of them, trying to scowl but not sure how effective it is given how dark his blush is.

“Not really,” Beau says with a smirk.

“Out,” Fjord grits through his teeth, raising his hand and letting the green energy begin to gather in his palm.

“Are you guys going to do it because I could really use practice drawing—“

“_Out_!”

They both drop out of sight again, the trapdoor swinging shut behind them. Fjord can hear their laughter all the way down the ladder. 

“Well that’s a conversation I guess we’re having later,” Fjord sighs, dragging one hand through his hair. His shoulders sag almost automatically when Caduceus’ hand comes to rest soothingly on his back.

“On the bright side, I don’t think they’ll be bothering us again,” he says, the faintest edge of suggestion, “if you wanted to continue.”

“You _ know _ what they’ll think we’ll be doing,” Fjord says.

“Eh, let them think,” Caduceus shrugs indifferently, “might distract them from everything else. Gossip is good for that.”

Fjord shakes his head, laughing quietly.

“Alright,” he says, feeling a heady rush of desire and affection as Caduceus scoots closer to him and lowers his head to kiss him lightly. 

He knows they’re both going to be interrogated by the others tomorrow, but for now he’s content enough to spend the rest of the night becoming intimately familiar with the feel of Caduceus’ lips against his own, a desire that Caduceus seems to enthusiastically reciprocate.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed some soft after how scared Caduceus seemed all last episode, someone hug my boy.


End file.
